Shitty Mom Syndrome
Perhaps I need to find a new hobby because I seem to spend most of my days wondering if I am a good-enough mom. When the gift of introspection meets an inherent tendency to beat myself up mercilessly over the smallest thing (real or imagined), my maternal angst blossoms. The fact that I am clinical social worker only exacerbates the problem because like most shrinks, I am incapable of applying any of my knowledge to myself.
I want my children to evolve into kind, compassionate adults and I hope to always have a close bond with them, but every child expert and parenting book purports a different philosophy on how to get there. The bottom line- I pray my kids won’t be total losers when they are adults and blame me for all their problems!
There’s just too much information out there, so in an effort to simplify things in my own mind, I reflected on my adult clients who had contentious relationships with their parents. How could I avoid going down the same road with my own children?
After treating many people with deeply ingrained self-defeating, destructive, and dysfunctional behaviors that are so challenging to interpret, I made up my own diagnosis for these conditions: Shitty Mom Syndrome. I am rallying to get it in the DSM IV.
I have concluded that the diagnosis of Shitty Mom is responsible for almost all problems, including (but not limited to): self-esteem issues, personality disorders, and dysfunctional emotions like depression, anxiety, rage, hostility, apathy and hopelessness. Yes, if your feeling like shit, you must have had a Shitty Mom.
How about substance abuse; abuse of others; abuse of ourselves, and eating disorders? If you shoot up, shoot people, pop pills, eat like a pig, or slice your skin, you can blame your Shitty Mommy.
Ever known a shopaholic or kleptomaniac? Bet she had a Shitty Mom (and really cute clothes, too!)
Do you have any physical maladies including fatigue, chronic colds and other infections? What about high blood pressure, heart disease, skin problems, or intestinal disorders? Yes, if you have ever had a case of “the shits”, you most likely had a Shitty Mom.
How’s your guilt now, Mama? Wanna add anything to the list?
Anyone who has been in long-term therapy knows what I am taking about- it always comes down to Shitty Mom. That seems to be the one kernel of truth buried beneath all the layers of bullshit. In fact, the very goal of therapy seems to be stripping away at those layers and facing the fact that your mama was “Yo Mama!”, i.e., she totally sucked. You had a Shitty Mom. And that is why you are such a mess.
So, I have now decided to simplify my own goals as a mom. Instead of rifling through the myriad of parenting books and philosophies-rather then consulting with fancy experts in an attempt to make sense of the complicated task of mothering- I have decided to take a very untherapeutic approach to the situation.
I will do everything in power to ensure that my children do not end up on a therapist’s couch and spend thousands of dollars to be told that I was a Shitty Mom. Whatever it takes!
Shitty Mom Assessment Quiz to follow….
January 10th, 2010 at 5:03 pm
finally, a name for what has been ailing me! is there no cure?
January 30th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
What an entertaining spin on an old theme–Dr. Freud shared this view, although he wasn’t as funny as you and he lacked the perspective to be satirical about it! No doubt we are all shaped by our Mommies–and our Daddies, our siblings, TV shows, books, teachers, and the random kid who dumps all the books out of our book bag at McDonald’s in fourth grade. What I mean is, I think we are all constantly being shaped by so many influences, and the best we can hope for as adults is to be strong enough to try, where we can, to shape our own destiny. You can be sure that, whatever mistakes you–like all of us–make, your little ones will have that strength because of the love you gave them. Thank you for the wonderful and stimulating read!
March 21st, 2010 at 7:52 am
I just became a mother recently, and i swore to myself I would do everything in my powers to not be anything like my own mother. She sucks. She doesnt visit her grandson, doesnt ask how hes doing, but constantly leaves messages on her facebook saying how great hes doing. (how the fuck would she know?) anyways I tell her if she wants to see him to visit, i get tons of reasons why she hasnt, one of them included bowling was more important. I guess I started to realize how shitty a mom she was when i was a baby, if she cant stand to be around my son now. I rooted through some old pictures, big surprise not even one of her and me. What a shitty person. Ive always known she was a shitty mom, and thats why i had years of therapy, cause you know i was the “problem child” bullshit. Theres alot of sucky moms out there, but I guess having one, makes you want to be that much better of a mom to your own kid. Thanks for having this post, ive been wanting to bitch about my super shitty mom.
April 23rd, 2010 at 8:06 am
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August 20th, 2010 at 8:15 am
loved this blog!