I recently went to one of my favorite stores- American Apparel- to do some shopping. I love American Apparel- the unadorned super-soft cotton tees are not only comfortable but cute and cheap. Additionally, the clothes are made in the US and the company employs fair labor practices. Yes, the average age of most of their clientele is 17 years old….but if you subtract my emotional age from my actual age and average it with the age I am in my own mind, I actually fit right in!

When I walked in the other day, the mannequin was wearing a flowy, off the shoulder dress with a cinch belt over black leggings. “I can pull this off,” I thought, momentarily forgetting my true age (35) and lifestyle (either sitting on the floor with my toddler or sprawled on my bed writing in glorified pajamas.)

After I tried on the outfit, the first thing that struck me was the dress was so sheer and drapey that my entire bra was exposed. I called over the retail clerk, a young, Asian, man with purple hair . He was wearing sparkly silver tights, a skin-tight belly shirt, and red, Converse sneakers. His hair was wrapped in a vintage scarf ala Nicole Richie, and his eyeliner and lip-gloss were expertly applied. He actually looked kind of cute- that is if he was a three year old girl playing dress up! But I desperately sought his guidance because he was all I had at the moment.

I looked so many shades of wrong, but was determined to make it work. I tugged a bit at the dress to try to cover up my bra and asked him the only question I could come up with, “Is it supposed to be see- through?” 

He looked at me like I was semi-retarded and rolled his eyes, “You can wear a little cami underneath- but it’s better not to. Sheer is in,” he said as he draped the dress completely off my shoulder.

“But my bra is showing!” I exclaimed, feeling about a thousand years old. 

“That’s the look!” he chastised, “Just get a cuter bra and let it show a little,” I thought my bra was cute. 

I looked at the mannequin, who had clearly never given birth, or if she had she was one of those annoying chicks who only gained 15 pounds in her entire pregnancy. She didn’t even need a bra! She rocked the ensemble- her perfect, hard nipple-less breasts looked smooth and flawless under the translucent dress. The outfit looked perfect on her- flowy and effortless.

I looked at myself –bra straps twisted over my shoulders and the dress draping and gaping in the most unflattering way. The elastic waistband of the leggings hit me in the absolute worst spot on my belly, and that coupled with the sheer dress only accentuated my doughy muffin-top. 

I was a 30-something mom who was desperately trying to regain a piece of who I no longer was.

Perhaps someone should create a mommy mannequin with a realistic body. Because no matter how thin I get, I will always sport a muffin-top. Why don’t mannequins EVER have a muffin top? Or floppy boobs that have endured two pregnancies and the constant sucking and pulling of nursing babies? Because if mannequins had saggy boobs and a muffin top, it would make it so much easier to gauge how something looks without having to go through the humiliation of trying it on! (this last line was shamelessly stolen from Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, www.babyonbored.com )

Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel and admit that I am officially too old for stores like American Apparel and Urban Outfitters. But that kind of admission, especially in this town, feel like defeat. So most days I walk out of my home, teetering the line of cute and trendy verses trying too hard with a hint of desperation.

And at my age, I should certainly know better then to ask the manorexic dude who works at American Apparel for fashion advice!  

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 15th, 2009 at 7:02 am and is filed under 1. Angst Mom Essays. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.