Polanski Is Not The Only Party to Blame
In the aftermath of child rapist Roman Polanski being taken into custody after trying to enter Switzerland on Saturday, questions about culpability, morality and teen sexuality have arisen. The Academy Award-winning director pled guilty in 1977 to a single count of having unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, acknowledging he had sex with a 13-year-old girl, but fled the United States before he could be sentenced. It is alleged that in addition to raping the child, he also drugged and sodomized her after her mother dropped her off at Jack Nicholson’s home for a supposed photo shoot with Polanski.
While I wholeheartedly believe that Polanski should be held 100% responsible for his egregious crime, I also feel that only focusing disproportionately on him seems hypocritical in a society that all-too-often celebrates and exploits teen sexuality. Everywhere we turn, we see splashy images of sexy young girls- and often times their parents and other adults condone their exploitation.
A few days ago, I met with the photographer I hired for my step-daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. While we were discussing packages and options, he showed me the book of a 13 year old girl’s Bat Mitzvah that he had recently shot. In the opening photograph, I saw a provocative photo of a girl (who could have been anywhere from 13 to 30) with glowy makeup, blown-out hair, and a strapless mini-dress and silver stiletto heels. I was aghast.
I asked the photographer, “How could her mother let her wear that dress? For her Bat Mitzvah no less?”
He replied, “All the young girls dress like this now- their moms think they look cute.”
Cute was not exactly the word that came to my mind. I found the photos disturbing and repulsive. How can this child’s mother not know that she has made her daughter into a juicy target for pedophiles and other creepy people who hide in the shadows waiting for ripe opportunities and easy targets to present themselves?
This dilemma was illuminated again recently after Miley Cyrus performed her “pole dancing” routine on the top of an ice cream truck at the Teen Choice Awards. The over-arching question was, “Is it appropriate for a 16 year-old-girl to be sexualized in such a blatant manner?” There were those who were quick to condemn the act as exploitative and unacceptable, and others who felt that her display was no different than previous incidents of glorified teen sexuality, ranging from Brook Shields’s provocative ads when she was not yet an adult to Britney Spears’s seductive schoolgirl routine in the music video, “Oops I Did It Again.” The glamorization of the sexy teenage girl has coincided with the growth of an industry punishing men for acting on their attraction to teenagers.
My point is certainly not that it is ok for a grown man to heaven forbid rape an underage girl. But while we rightly condemn these men who act on their imperious urges, what about the other adults who enable these teen girls to be sexualized so freely? Did anyone arrest Brooke Sheilds’s mother, Terry, or demonize her as a sexual predator? And someone had to provide Miley with the pole. Was that person held accountable? And shouldn’t these moms who dress up their children like junior hookers and drop them off at grown men’s homes be held responsible as well?
Perhaps if we were more honest in our discussion of how we all contribute to the sexual exploitation of young girls, whether we are parents who think it is cute to dress them up provocatively or TV execs who provide them with stripper poles, we could remember that the finger we are so quick to point at Polanski also needs to be pointed back at ourselves.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Amen, sister.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:14 am
I am a survivor of a similar act and I don’t blame my parents or society for what that man did to me. Did you consider that you might completely violate this woman and her mother all over again? Your view seemed to lean more towards an attack on everyone but Polansky. Speak out against child exploitation but not at the cost of the victim/survivor. Maybe you’ve never been a victim but given your career field, you’d think you’d know better than to write this way. I pray you and your family never have to experience anything like this.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am
First of all, I am so sorry that you were the victim of such a horrific crime- a crime that I REPEATEDLY in my article condemned. How my times must I write that Polanski was 100% responsible and deserved to be punished for his egregious crime? But I stand by my point that her mother (who dropped her off at his house) shares the blame. She enabled the attack and without question put her daughter in harm’s way. And as a society, we have celebrated and exploited teen sexuality as well.
Again, I sincerely hope your attacker was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
October 6th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
This is one of the biggest undiscussed issues in our society. It illustrates the complete schizophrenia we have as a people. We are so paranoid of inappropriate touching, etc that it is practically impossible for responsible elementary school teachers to do their jobs properly. Yet on the other hand parents dress their pre-teen girls like tarts and prostitutes and think nothing of it. I don’t know what the answer is but something is clearly wrong with the way we as a society approach sexuality.
October 12th, 2009 at 7:13 am
As an individual who has also worked in the field of addiction, (over 15 yrs.), I would like to suggest that as a”group” our society take the First Step — I(we) are powerless over —-