A Problem Of Abundance- When Bar Mitzvah Dates Collide
On Saturday night I received a phone call from an acquaintance of mine- the father of a boy that my step-daughter went to school with- that left me bewildered.
“Hi, this is David’s dad. I just found out that Haley’s Bat Mitzvah is on the same day as David’s.”
“O.k.” I responded, waiting for the punch-line. There was an awkward pause that I felt strangely obligated to fill, but for one of the few times in my life, I was truly speechless. Where was this conversation going?
He finally spoke, “Well…we need to figure out what we’re going to do because I’m sure we’re inviting a lot of the same people.”
“O.k.” I responded, still speechless. Bear in mind this was not a friend of mine, nor is his son a friend of my daughter’s. They just happen to have some friends in common. I suppose I committed an incredible faux-pas by not asking this man for permission when planning my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah.
He continued, “Well….we really need to figure this out, otherwise it’s going to ruin both of our parties.”
I finally put a coherent thought together, “How is it going to ruin their parties? I suppose David’s friends will go to his party, and Haley’s friends will go to hers.”
He began to stutter, ‘Well…is Haley’s Bat Mitzvah date set in stone?”
Are you freaking kidding me? Set in stone? We scheduled the date over a year ago, I have family members from across the country who have already made plane and hotel reservations, and I have given deposits for the venue and caterer. Now this strange man is making a veiled demand that I change the date because it conflicts with his plans?
“Yes, of course it is,” was all I could come up with.
“Well, if something changes, let me know.” And with that, he hung up the phone.
Afterwards I thought of all the things I should have said, like, “I didn’t realize I had to get your permission,” and “Is David’s date set in stone?” It is remarkable that a man that I have never had more than a passing conversation with felt entitled to call me out on this, on a Saturday night no less! I realize that it’s probably annoying to him and his wife that the parties of our children are scheduled on the same day. I understand that the affluent and over-indulged friends of our children are going to have to do something terribly traumatic- make a choice- as to whose party they want to attend. I get the the fact that in an ideal world, our social invitations would never conflict and we wouldn’t be forced to make such difficult decisions.
But in this day and age- when most people are struggling to find a job, get food on the table, and simply get their families through another day- is this an issue that warrants any more than a passing thought?
How blessed some folks are, that they have the time and energy to worry about a problem so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, actually a “problem of abundance”- when many children around the world are barely getting their basic needs met.
By the way David’s Dad, I am doing OK, considering my grandmother recently died and I am getting over strep throat. Thanks for asking.
September 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 pm
lol “make a decision”. Priorities. Maybe if he spends less time spoiling his kid and protecting him by asking someone to “move” an important date so his kid doesn’t feel left out, he’ll raise a decent kid. But that might be too much to ask.
September 16th, 2009 at 11:08 am
I don’t know. If there are a number of children who you know might be truly disappointed to miss one of the events, then I do not think there is harm in asking if there is flexibility. It sounds like his approach was lousy, but his intent was good.