CNN Meets Angst Mom
After I wrote the Diane Schuler article, I got the call that I have been waiting for my entire life: “CNN wants to interview you tonight!!!!” I immediately called my dad and screamed in the phone, “CNN WANTS TO INTERVIEW ME TONIGHT!”
You see Daddy…I am a big girl now, I have a real job. I am a professional and all that money you spent sending me to college for a total of 3 fancy degrees is paying off. Yeah…my income hardly covers my Starbucks consumption, but I am finally legit!
I emailed my friend Jordan, “CNN WANTS TO INTERVIEW ME TONIGHT!!!!!!”
She replied, “Are you fucking kidding me? Are you shitting in your pants?
I replied, “Shitting diarrhea!!!!!” (sorry for the graphic, but it was close to being accurate.)
My friend Jill came over with her daughter for a playdate with Kiki. I opened the door, gesticulated wildly, and screamed, “CNN WANTS TO INTERVIEW ME TONIGHT!” As my hands flew past my face, I noticed my nails were purple. And sparkly. The exact color I saw Lauren Conrad wearing on the color of Us Magazine a few weeks ago. It seemed so cute at the time.
My hair was tangled under a straw fedora that I bought at a thrift store. My black bras straps were showing under my off the off-the-shoulder shirt. CNN was going to interview me and I looked like teenager who needed to be have her car keys taken away.
Jill said, “You need to go on CNN just like that- fedora and purple nails and all! You have to go on as Angst Mom!”
But I wasn’t going on as Angst Mom, I was going on as Addiction Specialist/Momlogic Expert. Which meant off with the purple nail polish, on with a muted beige tone, and my jeans and fedora were going to have to be replaced with a crappy pant-suit ala Hillary Clinton. This is what I wanted, right?
I called everyone I knew. I booked a blowout and a manicure. I checked on my diplomas several times hanging in my office and actually questioned if they were legitimately mine.
Then I got the email from the publicist, “BOO- segment cancelled. At least you are on the radar for when it is rescheduled.”
CNN cancelled on Angst Mom. It’s the nature of the biz, I suppose. So, purple, sparkly nail polish is staying on and if you see me wandering around Santa Monica today, I will probably be pushing a stroller and wearing my fedora.
Until the next call comes….
Check out my newest piece on Momlogic about moms who get wasted during their children’s playdates:
http://www.momlogic.com/2009/08/calling_for_the_end_of_the_cocktail_playdate.php
