Challenge Me, But Don’t Run Away
Yesterday I posted an article titled “Breastfeeding Is For Me” both on my blog and on Momlogic, This was written in response to an article on Momlogic that was recently posted titled “Breastfeeding Is Not For Me.” In this article, the author states that she made a personal choice to not breastfeed because she didn’t like the idea of it. There was no legitimate medical or personal reasons she had for making this decision, beyond that lactating made her “squeamish” and she viewed her breasts as “sexual objects.”
The author began this post by stating that she was not going to cite any scientific facts about the pros and cons of breastmilk versus formula, because “I believes that to breastfeed (or in my case, not to breastfeed) is a personal choice that rests more heavily on emotion than scientific fact.” I can understand why she was reticent to cite any scientific facts because the evidence is overwhelming that formula is in no way comparable to breastmilk. I am not going to bore you will all the studies and information, but believe me when I say that there is not one intelligent person or organization who can deny this fact.
That being said, I do not judge any mom who chooses formula over breastmilk for a legitimate medical or personal reason. The truth is, how a mom chooses to feed her baby is none of my business. But when a mom publicly expresses her opinion on this issue and welcomes comments, the door is opened for me to express mine., I wrote about how I felt obligated to breastfeed, in spite of major complications and hurdles. At no time did I attack women who made different choices, I merely told my story. If that came across as self-righteous, offensive, or judgmental, I am sorry for that was not my intention.
I am aware that breastfeeding alone does not make me a good mom. Of course, there are wonderful mothers who formula feed and crappy moms who nurse. I simply hoped to open up a dialogue about choice verses obligation and logic verses emotion.
One of the comments I received was particularly upsetting: “well, all I have to say is that your self-righteous, “angst” tone has lost you a follower on your website and all future articles on momlogic. I am so sick of moms thinking they no what is best for EVERY child and every family. Why can’t everyone just do what is best for them and leave everyone else alone?”
I am saddened that I lost one of my readers over this issue, and I am certain that she felt that I was pointing my finger at moms who choose not to breastfeed. Two of my closest friends didn’t nurse their babies, and I can honestly say that I have never once judged them in any way for this.
I felt obligated to nurse my children in spite of major challenges. That was my choice. When you call me self-righteous for making a choice to breastfeed, how is that different than me judging you for formula feeding? The time I spent nursing them was significant in our relationships, and in part defines me as a mother, as a woman, and as a writer. It is part of my story, which I am honored to share with my followers. As always, I welcome constructive criticism and hope to open up a dialogue amongst my readers.
But please don’t get offended and run away because you disagree with me. My mind has been known to change over a hundred times a day, and I welcome the opportunity for you to offer me a new perspective.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
DON’T pander to the anxieties of other people. You WILL lose readers when you express your opinions. DON’T change! This is your blog, your expression, of your experiences. You cannot be everything to all. I have not always agreed w/ you, God Bless us all, but I like what YOU have to say and will continue to read your blog because I find your writing amusing and your opinions unique to though much commonality emerge in your experience. If one is offended and they choose to run away, that is how they deal w/ most of life and challenge is not in every person’s repetoir. Bygones.
Jen
May 28th, 2009 at 8:10 am
beautifully said – just like your previous post “Breastfeeding is For Me.”
I think that sometimes people feel uncomfortable with a decision they have personally made and when someone says something innocent, on the subject, they automatically get defensive and feel it’s a personal attack on them. that’s a shame, but not your fault.
I’m a new reader, glad I found your blog!
May 28th, 2009 at 8:30 am
I agree completely with the other responses. This subject in particular is inherently fraught with emotion and guilt for any mother, and any woman who chose not to breastfeed probably feels guilty about that one some level, even if she can’t admit it. By offering your own opinion and your personal experience, you will be perceived by some as judgmental and self-righteous, no matter how carefully you try to be non-offensive. So I say – don’t even try! Say what you think, as you always do, and readers who are truly interested in an intelligent and challenging discussion will stay with you.
May 28th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
I am amazed that someone would not follow your blog or postings on momlogic over this article. What a narrow-minded person. I didn’t find the tone of your article self-righteous in any way. My advice…don’t take this personally…that person seems to have a lot of issues.
May 30th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
I disagree with Amy. Not all women feel guilty about not breastfeeding. Some women can’t breastfeed. Just because we are all born with boobs doesn’t make them useful. I have double d’s and they were worthless for breastfeeding. Both of my children (now 18 and 13) were NOT breastfed and I NEVER once felt guilty. I never thought about breast feeding knowing that it wasn’t possible. Please don’t judge us and assume we feel guilty because of something we couldn’t do inherently. Just like suckiling is NOT inherent for babies, breasfeeding is NOT inherent for all women. I agree overall with the other comments that you can’t please everybody with your posts. You’ve taken on this idea of blogging to satisfy something within yourself and so long as you feel good about that then that’s what you should worry about. You have to accept the fact that you will lose a reader here and there for something about this subject matter. Especially when people like Amy are actually judging. I can’t say I can always relate to your experiences, but they give me a different pespective to today’s mommy…