Yesterday was the day, on the Hebrew calendar. Two years since my mom died.

I had every excuse in the book to not go to the cemetery. I was sick, run down, and needed to rest. But I couldn’t relax when I knew I needed to be there. So I called my dad and told him I was coming. As I was getting ready to leave my children with the babysitter, Shane asked me where we were going.

“To the cemetery. To visit Nana. Today is the anniversary of her death.” 

“I am coming,” Shane put on his green crocs.

My first reaction was no. Too young, too sad, too difficult, too confusing. 

For who? For me?

“Bring him” my dad said, when I asked his opinion. I have one of those fathers who tends to be annoyingly right about everything.

Off we went, my dad, Shane, and I to visit my mom’s grave. 

When we go there we sat on the grass around the tombstone, Shane in between my dad and I. It was such a beautiful day, like the day when we buried her. Clear and warm, with a breeze, and totally comfortable. 

“I don’t even remember what Nana looks like.” Shane said, “Let’s make her a dreamcatcher.”

Dreamcatchers are an authentic American Indian tradition. The Ojibway people would tie sinew strands in a web around a small round or tear-shaped frame–in a somewhat similar pattern to how they tied webbing for their snowshoes–and hang this “dream-catcher” as a charm to protect sleeping children from nightmares. The legend is that the bad dreams will get caught in the web. Shane and I began making them a few months ago in response to his nightmares. Amazingly, they worked! He also has a great time selecting little beads, bells, animals, and ornaments to decorate on a piece of rope.

At the cemetery, we found the letters for NANA, and Shane picked a purple star, some bells, a lion, and a giraffe and made Nana her dreamcatcher. When he was finished, he carefully placed it on her tombstone.

I love how my mom floats into my dreams, as she often does. She is always so alive, so vivacious, so beautiful. I welcome her into my children’s dreams and into their hearts.

And while Shane may not remember what she looks like, he will certainly feel her energy, as she remains very alive in spirit.

You are missed, Mom.