The other evening in Manhattan, my dear friend Heather and I went to a lounge to relax over a bottle of sparkling water. As we were sitting at a little table in the corner, a couple of mediocre-looking, slightly inebriated men came over in an attempt to chat us up. They delivered a few trite lines, to which we were non-responsive.

Finally, the Alpha Male in the pack threw up his hands in defeat and said, “It is difficult to hit on a woman drinking mineral water.”

As mediocre as this gentleman was, his reflection was quite interesting.

It is difficult to hit on a woman who no longer takes multiple shots of Jagermeister. It is difficult to hit on a woman who was proposed to by her husband at a Jurassic-5 concert. It is difficult to hit on a woman who has heard every line in the book. It is difficult to hit on a woman who should stop fucking writing for a second and do the laundry. It is difficult to hit on a woman who is ridiculously jaded. It is difficult to hit on a woman who has traded smoking herb for drinking herbal tea. It is difficult to hit on a woman who is fast asleep by 10pm most evenings. It is difficult to hit on a woman whose body has been desexualized from years of pregnancy and breastfeeding. It is difficult to hit on a woman who is so sober it hurts. It is difficult to hit on a woman whose last google search was “tummy tuck horror stories” ( or was it “banana bread recipes”…I can’t remember!) It is difficult to hit on a woman whose father is the most genuine, honest man she knows. It is difficult to hit on a woman who goes to the market in her pajamas. It is difficult to hit on a woman who is way too ambitious. It is difficult to hit on a woman who is either fantasizing or grieving. It is difficult to hit on a woman who is obsessed with turning every thought she has into an article.

And yes…. it is most definitely difficult to hit on a woman who is drinking mineral water.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 16th, 2009 at 1:19 pm and is filed under 1. Angst Mom Essays. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.