“I’m off to see Heather.”

My husband and I are in a Manhattan hotel room, on a brief family getaway. I agreed to venture to New York with my children because my husband seduced me with the promise of a day of complete freedom in Manhattan while he entertained the kids.

Until I had children, New York was the great obsession in my life. After I graduated from NYU and moved back to LA, I often wondered if I made a huge mistake in leaving the only city I ever felt alive in. I begrudgingly stayed in LA, but New York was always my dream-destination, my back door, the “other man” in my life. 

Then I had a baby and we came to New York for a visit when my son was 10 months old. It was one of the most difficult, miserable experiences in my life. Trying to navigate a baby stroller down a crowded side walk…impossible! Riding in a taxi with my wobbly baby sitting on my lap (rather than in a car seat)…terrifying! Just taking my child to Central Park required so much planning that it ultimately didn’t feel worth the effort.

My decade-long fantasy of New York was over. I suddenly appreciated LA for it’s climate and ease. The ability to throw a diaper and a couple of wipes in my purse and spontaneously take my kid to the park (without having to hail a cab and bundle him up like an Eskimo), outweighed the excitement and energy of New York in my maternal mind. Yes, New York is a great place to be when you are 18 years old, single, and your parents are footing the bill. But in my new reality, as an adult woman and mother, the allure of New York had lost its appeal.

But as I was getting ready for my day of freedom in the city, I felt the old familiar New York adrenaline coursing through my body.

“Are you jumping in a cab.” my husband asked.

“I’m walking,” I responded, zipping up my jacket and wrapping my scarf around my neck.

The moment my feet it the pavement, the feeling was back. I became the fearless, unencumbered, independent 18 year old of my past.

As I snaked my way down streets and across avenues, the possibilities were endless. I felt light and grounded, bad-ass and purposeful, all at once.

Walking alone on the streets of New York is one of the most delicious experiences in my world…and one I will never give up.

No matter how challenging it is to carve it into my new life!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 at 6:46 am and is filed under 1. Angst Mom Essays. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.