Any Questions?
Today I took Kiana to her toddler group. As we all sat down for the “mommy discussion” while the children played, the facilitator asked, “Any questions?”
Any questions? Let’s see….
When will I get my life back? My energy back? My passion back? My body back? Am I doing a good job? Why can’t I get through a fucking novel?
Do I meet Winnicott’s standards for the”Good Enough Mother”? Do my children love me? Will they one day sit on a therapist’s couch and talk about what a narcissistic piece of shit mom I was? Are they content? Will they love each other when they are older? What will they remember about their childhood? How will they remember me?
Will I ever sleep past 6am again? Will my husband and I ever get to go to Greece alone? What am I going to be when I grow up? Did I make a mistake by giving up acting? Why are there cracks in my kitchen floor? Will I ever be able to complete the Sunday Crossword Puzzle? Should I try to kick my Starbucks addiction?
When will Shane stop coming into my room at night? Should Kiana know her colors by now? Animal sounds? Am I a good enough step-mother? Should I be doing more? Doing less? Working more? Working less? Am I isolating? Hiding? From what? Am I the only one here that can’t stand singing ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’? Am I allowed any fucking vices? Will I ever get past my grief over my mom’s death? Should we just move to Hawaii?What do people really think of me?
Am I enough?
Any questions?
March 26th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Once again, a beautiful comment. Just a little while ago I was telling someone how you have the ability to say – in so few words – what other people think and feel.
You certainly have some great questions – to which no one really and truly knows the answers except…YES…
That’s it… YES…
March 26th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
That would have been awesome if you had actually answered the toddler teacher’s question with all of your questions! I have many of those questions and more….just wait until the teen years. Then you have a whole other set of questions….and you don’t always want the answers!
March 26th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
This piece is so perfect and so unique. I love how you find a way to put on paper (so to speak) the mental tailspin that most of us go into on a daily basis. Your questions are specific to your life, and yet they are also general questions that we can all relate to. It’s just that nobody ever verbalizes these questions that scurry around and around our brains, and you did! Your gift with words is amazing to me.