You don’t want a lady writer. They write when they should be cooking. Daydream when they should be cleaning”       -Erica Jong in “Fear of Flying
I love those idiotic articles in parenting magazines that talk about how moms need to “have balance” in their life. Motherhood leaves me in a constant state of [...]

Kiana’s weekly toddler group is a hotbed of maternal angst.  For the first half hour, the facilitator leads a discussion with the moms while the children play. The overarching theme is Let Us Count The Ways In Which We Are Fucking Up Our Children.
After we are thoroughly berated for being worthless and inept mothers, we [...]

“How did I get inside of your tummy?” Shane and I were driving to the La Brea Tar Pits for our Saturday outing.
I thought the dreaded “sex talk” wasn’t supposed to happen for several more years. Shane is only four, and I am certainly not prepared for this yet.
I decided to be as honest and [...]

“Let’s do it!” Amy begged, “It’ll be fun….”

Amy is one of my best friends and I would do anything for her… including attending our 15 year reunion and facing all our eccentric classmates from the LA County High School For the Arts. I just received the invitation via Facebook, which ironically has reunited me with all [...]

Today I took Kiana to her toddler group. As we all sat down for the “mommy discussion” while the children played, the facilitator asked, “Any questions?”
Any questions? Let’s see….
When will I get my life back? My energy back? My passion back? My body back? Am I doing a good job? Why can’t I get through a fucking novel? Do [...]

Today is my 35th birthday. This certainly feels like a Milestone One. I can no longer ride the wave of coming off of my late 20’s. My pathological denial of the fact that I am firmly in my 30’s has been smashed. I am officially too old to dress the way I dress and listen [...]

Seemingly overnight, my four year old son has turned into a raging, testosterone filled beast. It started on Saturday morning with him refusing to eat breakfast and ended on Sunday night with him urinating on his Ugg boots and both of us in tears.
La Leche League promised me that if I practiced extended breastfeeding with [...]

If I had a nanny com on me, I would immediately get fired. I would throw my ass in jail. I would be on the horn with INS so quick it would make your fucking head spin. And I wouldn’t rest until I got myself deported.
Any mom that acts like she doesn’t know what I [...]

It has been nearly two years since my mom died, and today is her birthday. I have done everything in my power to avoid my feelings of grief, loss, and sadness this week. Now that I no longer imbibe alcohol or abuse narcotics, my choices for “checking out” are pretty slim. No matter how many [...]