The other day I greeted my husband in my perfectly constructed outfit which reflected that latest trend, Boyfriend Jeans. For those of you living under a rock or from the Midwest (don’t worry, this trend will roll your way in a few years), the look is as follows: supper-baggy, distressed jeans rolled up, tight top, sexy shoes.

“Honey” my husband said, treading lightly, “What the hell are you wearing?”

I immediately got defensive, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t get it.” he said, “The shirt great, the shoes great. Those jeans, awful. Why the hell are you wearing jeans that are five sizes too big for you? ”

“It’s the look.” I explained, as if speaking to a retarded child, “they’re Boyfriend Jeans…very “in” right now.”

“Why would you wear something that’s so unflattering to your butt?” he earnestly asked.

“Are you saying my ass looks fat?” I was becoming hysterical.

“Fat?” he laughed, “It is non-existent. You have no ass in those jeans. It looks like you are wearing my jeans!”

“That’s the point!” I retorted triumphantly. “They are called Boyfriend Jeans.”

“Well they’re ugly!” he concluded.

“”You just don’t get it!” I muttered, struggling for composure, a difficult thing to achieve as your jeans are hovering below your ass crack.

I have to concede that most trends are worn for the benefit of other women, not men. As I breezed into Starbucks later to get my Venti Iced Green Tea (no water no sweetner), I couldn’t help but notice the approving glances of a group of thirty-something, ultra-chic, Brentwood women. Who cares if my ass is non-existent? I have mastered the trend!

Take the cultural obsession with looking ultra thin. Over and over, in every study, men overwhelmingly report that they prefer women with curves and flesh on their bones. Yet thinness is a way of garnering respect, envy, and praise from other woman, which seems to be the goal.

I recently went shopping with my dear friend Heather. She tried on a deliciously comfy gray cashmere sweater-coat. As she modeled it for me, enveloped in layers of buttery softness, I told her, “I love it. But it is one of those things that men just don’t get. I know what Adam would say, “Why the hell did you spend $600 for a glorified bathrobe?”

One of the reasons I love Heather is that she is oblivious to most trends and dresses to feel sexy and beautiful, regardless of what Katie Holmes is wearing on the cover of Us Weekly.

“He’s right.” she said, and put it back in the dressing room. She picked out a pair of super flattering jeans instead. And her ass looked amazing.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 23rd, 2009 at 6:36 am and is filed under 1. Angst Mom Essays. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.